my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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