Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
