I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
