Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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