I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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