Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
