i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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