I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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