I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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