I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
