I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Still dying that you shit outside
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
