That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You can't special order awesome
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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