bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
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I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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