He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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