i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
