I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
