she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
did i just pee glitter
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
