you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
