I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
