I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
