You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
