I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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