She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
