I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
