I think my fart just growled at me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize