Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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