As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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