Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
