She went from zero to smokin in five shots
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
