Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
