:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
