Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
