sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
