So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're like the curious george of whores
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
