Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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