Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
