Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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