i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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