ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
