Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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