just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
