I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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