these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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