i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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