What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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