My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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