I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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