at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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