I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
