M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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