I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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