Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
