clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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