the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
