I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
