I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
