in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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