The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The power of my boobs compel you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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