I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize