in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
