do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
