My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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