we have pet lesbian snakes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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