but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
