i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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