I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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