Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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