forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
