The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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