FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
