Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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