Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
