If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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