Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
