I hate all girls vehemently.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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