I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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