She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
