Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
