If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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