Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
