I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
