Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
