Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
