I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
