he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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