Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
